George Carlin Quotes — Page 24

Comedian, Actor

Angry

“I'm not an angry person, just very disappointed and contemptuous of my fellow humans' choices - and on stage those feelings sometimes are exaggerated for a theatric stage - you're on a stage you have an audience of 2500 or 3000 people: you need to project the feelings, the emotions it's heightened, and people mistake it for a personal anger but it's more dissatisfaction, disappointment and contempt for these things we've settled for.”

People Mistake Disappointment

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George Carlin

Comedian, Actor

Lonely

“As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I'm most mindful of that; that I'm just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That's when I feel my immortality.”

Stars House I Love My Family

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Funny

“All music is the blues. All of it.”

Music Is

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Funny

“The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.”

Reality Divorced

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Funny

“Granola didn't sell very well when it was good for you. Now it has caramel, chocolate, marshmallow, saturated fat and sweeteners with a small amount of oats and grains. Sales picked up.”

Chocolate Fats Oats

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Wise

“I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my instincts. They gave me the tools to reject my faith. They taught me to question and think for myself and to believe in my instincts to such an extent that I just said, "This is a wonderful fairy tale they have going here, but it's not for me."”

Thinking Believe School

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Funny

“I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.”

Ifs Suicide

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Funny

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”

Life Reality

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Funny

“The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.”

Practice Stupid Suicide

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Funny

“It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good!”

Thinking Media Cancer

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Funny

“The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything.”

Giving Ideas School

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Funny

“I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.”

Ideas Humorous Rope

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