Demetri Martin Quotes

494 quotes · Comedian, Actor

Page 24 of 42

Demetri Martin Quotes

All Funny Creative Love Nostalgic Hopeful 494 quotes · page 24 of 42

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put "Not gay." But I'm not against gays, so under that I'll have to put "... but supportive." It's weird how one group of people took refracted light. That's very greedy, gays.”

Funny Humor Gay

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Demetri Martin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln”

Names Powerful Sound

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Funny

“I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.”

Thinking Kids

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Funny

“Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.”

Behavior

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Sad

“It's very easy to go through your whole life and never really get anything done or have any real meaningful interactions or relationships. All of a sudden you're dead, and I'm going to say that's got to be a letdown.”

Real Done Meaningful

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Funny

“To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!"”

People Trying Shoes

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Funny

“Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.”

People Television

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Funny

“Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.”

Blessing Loud

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Funny

“I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.”

Men Baby Skeletons

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Funny

“If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'”

Faces Mouths Pie

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Funny

“One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'”

Men Saws

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Funny

“I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.”

Whole Please

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