Woody Allen — Funny Quotes

246 quotes · Director, Actor, Writer

Page 17 of 21

Woody Allen Quotes

All Funny Philosophical Angry Love Spiritual 246 quotes · page 17 of 21

Woody Allen

Director, Actor, Writer

Funny

“The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.”

People Reality Artist

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Woody Allen

Director, Actor, Writer

Funny

“In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.”

Night Morning Laughing

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Funny

“I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.”

Clubs Members Annie Hall

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Funny

“People think I'm an artist because my films lose money.”

People Thinking

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Funny

“I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.”

Character Italian

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Funny

“For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.”

People Giving Actors

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Funny

“There's a tacit agreement between myself and the audience that I will entertain them when they buy their ticket, and I've been the one that has screwed that up. Once in while I indulge myself and try something else, and I keep my fingers crossed that it will come out good and there'll be enough people who will enjoy it, but that doesn't often happen.”

People Trying Agreement

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Funny

“Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?”

People Fun Sleep

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Funny

“I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.”

Care Busy Toilets

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Funny

“Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.”

People Thinking Sex

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Funny

“Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.”

Book New York Bisexual

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Funny

“My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.”

Men Car Funeral

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