Woody Allen — Funny Quotes

246 quotes · Director, Actor, Writer

Page 13 of 21

Woody Allen Quotes

All Funny Philosophical Angry Love Spiritual 246 quotes · page 13 of 21

Woody Allen

Director, Actor, Writer

Funny

“I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.”

Work Chinese Shallow

♥ 8

Woody Allen

Director, Actor, Writer

Funny

“Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?”

World Race Aggressive

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Funny

“Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!”

Marriage Cement

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Funny

“I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.”

Life Is Birthday

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Funny

“The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.”

Thinking Evil Things In Life

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Funny

“The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.”

Tests Maturity Awakening

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Funny

“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”

Funny Humorous

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Funny

“That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.”

Fun Sex

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Funny

“The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass.”

Home Keys Silly

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Funny

“I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.”

Funny Witty New Year

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Funny

“Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.”

Funny Names

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Funny

“My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.”

Father Land

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