Mark Twain — Funny Quotes

743 quotes · Writer, Humorist

Page 21 of 50

Mark Twain Quotes

All Funny Philosophical Angry Wise Grateful 743 quotes · page 21 of 50

Mark Twain

Writer, Humorist

Funny

“If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.”

Writing Leadership Learning

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Mark Twain

Writer, Humorist

Funny

“I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.”

Inspiration Ironic Hilarious

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Funny

“I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.”

Idiot Congress

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Funny

“One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.”

Writing Laughing

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Funny

“There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.”

Way Snoring

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Funny

“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”

Drinking Alcohol

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Funny

“There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!”

Example Annoying

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Funny

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.”

Funny Differences Money

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Funny

“I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.”

Broken Months Smoking

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Funny

“It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.”

Men Animal Coal

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Funny

“There is more real pleasure to be gotten out of a malicious act, where your heart is in it, than out of thirty acts of a nobler sort.”

Heart Real Pleasure

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Funny

“We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.”

Lying Travel Vanity

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