George Carlin — Funny Quotes

482 quotes · Comedian, Actor

Page 29 of 41

George Carlin Quotes

All Funny Angry Philosophical Spiritual Creative 482 quotes · page 29 of 41

George Carlin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'.”

Guy Sex Sometimes

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George Carlin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.”

Home Flower Watches

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Funny

“Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?”

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Funny

“I go to bed early; my favorite dream comes on at nine.”

Dream Bed

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Funny

“There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.”

Two Type Idiot

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Funny

“I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.”

Dancing Bread Yeast

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Funny

“Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic.”

Forget Catholic

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Funny

“Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?”

Doe Rooms

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Funny

“Does killing time damage eternity?”

Doe Killing

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Funny

“Sometimes a little brain damage can help.”

Littles Brain

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Funny

“In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around.”

Funny Today

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Funny

“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.”

Able Feels

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