George Carlin — Funny Quotes

482 quotes · Comedian, Actor

Page 16 of 41

George Carlin Quotes

All Funny Angry Philosophical Spiritual Creative 482 quotes · page 16 of 41

George Carlin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.”

Usual Small Steps Sociopath

♥ 10

George Carlin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being for the moment. No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open, completely themselves when that message hits the brain and the laugh begins. That's when new ideas can be implanted. If a new idea slips in at that moment, it has a chance to grow.”

Ideas Laughing Positivity

♥ 10

Funny

“I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.”

Funny Humor Ambition

♥ 10

Funny

“And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.”

Food Cooking

♥ 10

Funny

“I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.”

Hate Feelings

♥ 10

Funny

“I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.”

Thinking Christian Stupid People

♥ 10

Funny

“Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, "You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala."”

Teacher Stupid Rocks

♥ 10

Funny

“They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.”

Light Darkness Cursing

♥ 10

Funny

“Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.”

Government Healthy Mountain

♥ 10

Funny

“The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!”

Band Sake Radio

♥ 10

Funny

“Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality to it, but a joke is about surprising someone. I'm a great believer in context. You can joke about anything. I do like finding out where the line is drawn, deliberately crossing it and bringing some of them with me across the line, and having them be happy that I did.”

People Different Quality

♥ 10

Funny

“Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form - it's certainly artistry.”

People Writing Art

♥ 10