Demetri Martin — Funny Quotes

403 quotes · Comedian, Actor

Page 24 of 34

Demetri Martin Quotes

All Funny Creative Love Nostalgic Hopeful 403 quotes · page 24 of 34

Demetri Martin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.”

Thinking Ideas Should

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Demetri Martin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'”

Thinking Years Dirty

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Funny

“A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.”

Design Drawing

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Funny

“Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.”

Want Stranger

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Funny

“When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.”

Potatoes Couches Fries

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Funny

“Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.”

Want Example

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Funny

“The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).”

Australia Chiefs

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Funny

“I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.”

Natural Eating Flavor

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Funny

“When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.”

Want Kids Yeah

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Funny

“Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.”

Independence Pet

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Funny

“I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.”

Thinking Would Be

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Funny

“I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.”

Home Funny Humor

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