Demetri Martin — Funny Quotes

403 quotes · Comedian, Actor

Page 23 of 34

Demetri Martin Quotes

All Funny Creative Love Nostalgic Hopeful 403 quotes · page 23 of 34

Demetri Martin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.”

People Boat Whales

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Demetri Martin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'”

Funny Answers Smell

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Funny

“How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.”

Doors

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Funny

“A mobile home with a flat tire is a home.”

Home Tire

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Funny

“It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.”

Two Stories Comedy

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Funny

“I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.”

Mean New York Want Something

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Funny

“I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.”

Thinking Dream

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Funny

“Clowns have no respect for pie.”

Pie Clown

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Funny

“I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."”

School Law Crazy

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Funny

“I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.”

Book Use Paper

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Funny

“Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.”

Ideas Short Love

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Funny

“Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.”

Funny Fighting

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