Demetri Martin — Funny Quotes

403 quotes · Comedian, Actor

Page 15 of 34

Demetri Martin Quotes

All Funny Creative Love Nostalgic Hopeful 403 quotes · page 15 of 34

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"”

Funny Issues Humor

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Demetri Martin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.”

Funny Actors Comedian

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Funny

“The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.”

Thinking Feedback

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Funny

“Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.”

Guy Average

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Funny

“It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.”

People Two Internet

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Funny

“People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.”

People Squirrels Im Sorry

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Funny

“It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.”

Would Be Interesting

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Funny

“Let no man's deathbed be a futon.”

Men Deathbed

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Funny

“I like people, for a little while.”

People Littles

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Funny

“Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.”

Coffee Cups

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Funny

“There is probably more invisible tape out there than we realize.”

Realizing Invisible

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Funny

“My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.”

Balance Credit

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