Demetri Martin — Funny Quotes

403 quotes · Comedian, Actor

Page 13 of 34

Demetri Martin Quotes

All Funny Creative Love Nostalgic Hopeful 403 quotes · page 13 of 34

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.”

Home School Summer

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Demetri Martin

Comedian, Actor

Funny

“It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.”

Nice Ignorance Curves

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Funny

“I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.”

Firsts Class Fart

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Funny

“But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.”

People Good Things

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Funny

“Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean?”

Mean Villain

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Funny

“I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.”

Giving Congratulations Grapes

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Funny

“Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.”

Fun Sports Swimming

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Funny

“It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.”

People Thinking Role Models

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Funny

“I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.”

Stars Comedian Hipster

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Funny

“I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.”

Different Use Snacks

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Funny

“I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.”

Secret Hey None Of Your Business

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Funny

“When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.”

Animal Clouds Sheep

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