Conan O'Brien Quotes — Page 22

CO

Television Host, Comedian

Funny

“It has become cliché to say I laughed until I cried, but when I'm done reading one of [Kupperman's] underground comics my shirt is literally soaking wet. This guy may have one of the best comedy brains on the planet right now.”

Guy Reading Brain

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CO

Conan O'Brien

Television Host, Comedian

Funny

“NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.'”

Thinking Calling Nbc

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Funny

“Playboy magazine announced that they are going to support the troops by sending them emails from Playboy playmates. After hearing this the U.S. troops said 'Just our luck, we get emails from playmates, but we're embedded with Geraldo.'”

Support Luck Hearing

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Funny

“It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yes. This is expected to be the first time Barack uses his veto power.”

Moving Mother White

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Funny

“People all over the world now are following our election. And according to a new international poll that just came out, I think this came out a few hours ago, this is true, people in Canada want Barack Obama to be the next U.S. president. That's what they're saying. In Canada, yeah. That makes sense, because Obama has the support of Canada's anti-war voters, as well as Canada's black guy. He is very excited.”

People Thinking War

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Funny

“In the news, Chinese president Hu Jintao says that now that Barack Obama has been elected, he is looking forward to taking the relationship between China and the U.S. to the next level. That's what he said. Yeah. Then he said, 'Who knows, maybe we'll even go all the way.'”

President Chinese Next Level

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Funny

“Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah, and apparently, if you watched the entire infomercial, Barack threw in a free set of Ginsu knives for you.”

Night Television Knives

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Funny

“Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband makes $300 million a year. She has to get by on $200 million a year, and that's not fair.”

Years Husband Example

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Funny

“One of the candidates running for governor is a 100-year-old woman. Yeah, the 100-year-old says she'd like to recall Governor Gray Davis, but more importantly, she'd like to recall where she left her teeth.”

Years Running Teeth

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Funny

“The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the White House. So finally the Secret Service agents will have a drinking buddy.”

House White Drinking

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Funny

“Jeb Bush is getting his presidential campaign in gear. Last week he said he supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, 'I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job that your brother and dad once had.'”

Jobs Brother Dad

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Funny

“When it comes to being visionary in stealing, the Republicans do better than anybody. It's really something to see.”

Republican Financial Visionaries

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