Conan O'Brien Funny Quotes — Page 20

CO

Television Host, Comedian

Funny

“Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.”

People Soldier Sticks

♥ 3

CO

Conan O'Brien

Television Host, Comedian

Funny

“Los Angeles residents are going to vote on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes.”

Cities Marijuana Medical

♥ 3

Funny

“During the Democratic presidential debate Howard Dean started off by apologizing to the crowd for having a cold. Then John Kerry apologized for once having a cold while serving his country in Vietnam.”

Country Presidential Vietnam

♥ 3

Funny

“John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million before the Democratic convention. That's a lot of money. Yeah, Kerry has two ways to raise the $80 million: soliciting Democratic donors and going through his wife's purse.”

Trying Two Wife

♥ 3

Funny

“The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company's low profits on Obamacare - which is odd because most people won't eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.”

People Garden Obamacare

♥ 3

Funny

“Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first lady, the second lady, third lady, and fourth lady.”

President Kings Middle East

♥ 3

Funny

“Tom Brady says he wants to give the truck he was given as the Super Bowl MVP to the guy who won the Super Bowl for the Patriots. So Brady's giving his truck toSeahawks coach Pete Carroll.”

Giving Guy Mvp

♥ 3

Funny

“California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.”

Jobs California Marijuana

♥ 3

Funny

“Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery.”

Three Daughter Gun

♥ 3

Funny

“The Northeast is being hit with a major snowstorm. Forecasters said they've haven't seen a whiteout like this since last week's Oscar nominations.”

Lasts Oscars Nominations

♥ 3

Funny

“According to the latest poll in the Washington Post, 63 percent of Americans said that so far they approve of President Bush. Not surprisingly, the other 37 percent are English teachers.”

Teacher President Said

♥ 3

Funny

“Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private.”

Today Lasts Users

♥ 3

Conan O'Brien — Funny Quotes

Conan O'Brien Quotes